November 21, 2002
In a glittering ceremony at Unicef Headquarters in New York City, Ronald McDonald and Missy McUnicef were married yesterday, with Rev. Kenny Bruno of EarthRights International presiding. During the ceremony, Missy McUnicef vowed to obey Ronald McDonald "so long as he continues to make financial contributions" to Unicef. Ronald McDonald promised to "contribute a miniscule percentage of my exorbitant profits to children's charities, so long as the partnership scheme gets kids to nag their parents to take them to McDonald's yet again."
The wedding took a dramatic turn just after the vows. When asked if anyone knew any reason why the two should not marry, the crowd of spectators from NGOs, most of whom were associated with the Alliance for a Corporate Free UN all shouted "YES!." Reverend Billy proceeded to provoke the bride into accusing the groom of being bad for children. During their public spat, the not-yet newlyweds nearly broke up on the spot, as they confronted the evidence that Unicef is good for children while McDonald's is bad for children.
However, in the end, Missy McUnicef relented, saying "I know it's gross, but I need the money." The couple left immedately after consummating the marriage for their honeymoon at McDonald's in Times Square, where the restaurant was promoting McDonald's World Children's Day.
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